Have you ever been caught in limbo? Like when someone doesn't actually break up with you, but just stops acknowledging your existence. Or when you feel like you a big change, but you haven't figured out what to do instead. So you keep trying to make the "old" thing work and pretend you are actually doing something new.
Being in limbo can feel a bit torturesome; okay, really torturesome. I've been there more than once. It is pretty much my version of emotional hell. But I have surprised myself at my unwillingness to call the shots, as I sit and wait. I jump over the truth, scoot past it, dig a hole under it, and wait for the thing I'm in limbo about to miraculously not be what I know deep down it is.
There is real value in closure, whether it's in a relationship's end or in any other area of your life. Making a clean break. Moving on. Wrapping up your feelings and opening up to something new.
I realized last year that I was becoming an expert on the torture of being in limbo after my third relationship in ten years ended by, well, not ending. As in, "I'll just stop texting her back or calling and maybe she'll get the hint." One of these was a six-month relationship. No ending. No explanation. No discussion. No goodbye. Went out for proverbial ice cream and was never heard from again. I could go into the self-worth issues and "I don't matter" complex that attracted these people into my life, but I don't really want to think about any of that again.
Instead, I'll just say that what I realized, finally, is that sometimes you just have to give yourself an ending. (Later, I cleared out all of the energy that was causing me to attract those people, by using Access Consciousness. Then, I attracted different people who didn't perpetuate my belief.)
Right now I'm doing that with my business. On the advice of my friend Sandra, I'm writing a letter to my old business – to my old way of doing things, my old products, my old mission and persona – and letting it go completely. This will give me clean slate. And while I may find that I want to keep some of my creations and my ideas, I just wasn't finding it effective to make tweaks when what I really needed was to start over and make decisions from a new vantage point.
If you have a situation in your life that just isn't working, and you're waiting for an ending to be given to you, or to happen, whether by a person or because you don't know where you're going next, I just want you to know that giving yourself an ending will set you free and allow you to see the possibilities that are waiting for you.
Here are some ways you can end things for yourself:
- Write a letter. No need to mail it, but if you do, do it with no need to receive a reply.
- Tell the person off if you want (it's okay, really), and while you're at it, tell them you don't want them to contact you again. Ever.
- Delete someone off your social media accounts, and block them from seeing your feeds.
- Throw out all the stuff that reminds you of the life you don't want.
- Create a "line in the sand" ritual that allows you to let go of the old and start fresh.
- Choose to take charge and declare what you want, and don't want. Make two lists, and then ask yourself if the old situation fit in with it. Chances are it probably didn't.
- Make a list of the facts of the situation. No editorializing, just the facts. Then, pretend you are your own best friend. Present the facts and ask your "friend" what they would do if they were in your situation.
- Journal on this prompt: If I could have something even better, here's what that would look like: _______. So I hereby let go of _______ and open up to better possibilities.
Where do you need to give yourself an ending in your life? What are your ideas for giving yourself an ending?